Lee is now the DCT of the clinical program at Virginia
Tech, in addition to remaining clinic Director.
I have heard repeatedly over the past several years
including our last APTC annual meeting the concept of a balanced life. However,
when I reflect on my life and some concept of balance I have to
embarrassingly admit, I don’t get it. I always feel somewhat
anxious, challenged, on edge, and thus imbalanced. To me
being imbalanced, or tension, is necessary for a productive and
meaningful life. I believe in living an imbalanced life, or
adaptive homeostasis.
To be sure I have felt relaxed and pleased with
myself at times, such as chilling on a sunny beach, finishing my
“must to do” list, or having an enjoyable dinner gathering.
I believe these moments are to be savored but are ultimately
fleeting and will be soon be followed some type of unsettling
issue or problem. Some forces are always outweighing others
so a state of continual balance seems incomprehensible to
me. In my professionally preferred systems theory, the state
of continual and evenly balanced homeostasis is actually not a
good thing. The result is a non-adaptive and stressed system, and
ultimately death. By adaptive homeostasis, I euphemistically
mean a constant, accepted, and relished tension or struggle
between light and dark, virtues and demons, structure and chaos,
selfish and giving, understanding and clueless, etc. And
most importantly, it is an imbalanced state that leads to change
and growth. To be clear, too much imbalance is not good such
as being totally selfish, addicted to drugs, working 100 hours a
week, etc. But growth, learning, or achieving, seems to
emerge from some type of deliberately imbalanced state, within a
range, including academic pursuits, being married, having
children, athletic pursuits, directing a training clinic,
etc. And, I truly believe failure or making mistakes is
especially critical, and such mistakes create a clear
imbalance.
My take on the commonly voiced ‘balance”
refrain is; I want to work 9-5 and not weekends, be with my
family, work
out on a regular basis, etc. In some global way this can be
true in my experience. But can you schedule all your work
and meetings in that time period, can you not work some weekends
if a review or grant proposal is due, do your children always
reciprocally respond to you when you’re there, is your body in
such shape that are you always motivated to workout,
etc. Life events and interpersonal dynamics are going to
intrude on this so-called balanced schedule. Experiencing
such events many times over and going off schedule (or balance),
it strikes me that I am still okay, my family still loves me, work
still excites me, and everyone around me still seems fine.
As such, I have developed my belief in adaptive homeostasis.
More specifically, a loss of balanced equilibrium that is
attributable to an unstable situation in which some forces
outweigh others. And hopefully I adapt, and the better I am
at continually adapting, the better I actually feel (and grow) in
the long run.
A couple of years ago I was depressed,
psychologically paralyzed. The reasons were just. My
twin sons left for college after several years as rambunctious
adolescents and I had been feeling pretty inadequate as a parent
for some time, and my marriage was strained as a
result. I lost a second and exciting job helping a
family therapy service begin and grow (terribly ironic given my
own family struggles at the time) but then painfully crumble under
internal and external pressures. I needed to create some
type of imbalance in order to become alive again. I
challenged myself to do things uncomfortable and unsafe; voicing
my opinion to peers and colleagues, politicking for recognition of
my teaching and leadership abilities, embracing new technology and
approaches in my training clinic, focusing on my wife’s needs and
feelings rather than my own dreary inner life, knowing my children
rather than just judge them. Through this purposeful and
adaptive imbalancing, and with the support of many, including some
dear APTC colleagues, I am now back alive personally and
professionally.
work
out on a regular basis, etc. In some global way this can be
true in my experience. But can you schedule all your work
and meetings in that time period, can you not work some weekends
if a review or grant proposal is due, do your children always
reciprocally respond to you when you’re there, is your body in
such shape that are you always motivated to workout,
etc. Life events and interpersonal dynamics are going to
intrude on this so-called balanced schedule. Experiencing
such events many times over and going off schedule (or balance),
it strikes me that I am still okay, my family still loves me, work
still excites me, and everyone around me still seems fine.
As such, I have developed my belief in adaptive homeostasis.
More specifically, a loss of balanced equilibrium that is
attributable to an unstable situation in which some forces
outweigh others. And hopefully I adapt, and the better I am
at continually adapting, the better I actually feel (and grow) in
the long run.